Don’t try to fix alcoholism on the outside

couple-walkingThis was a major lesson for me:

Don’t try to fix an inside problem, on the outside.


Taking a honest look and thorough analysis of where alcohol has brought you to, and the practical impact and negative consequences in your life, is important.

Let’s not deny that.


The negative outside influences like social circle, “friends”, and sometimes even family, can all unknowingly be enabling a pattern of addiction, and making it ok, or rational.

Taking stock of the negative consequences of alcoholism in your life, the events, illnesses, family issues, communication, and sometimes emergency situations or hospital admissions, can be an effective negative deterrent or negative motivator which keeps us on track.


But, without addressing the inside issue of addiction – we’ll always be fighting to keep the practical elements of recovery on-track – against a bigger internal force that hasn’t fully resolved the reasons behind the addiction, psychologically.


The real question is – what is addiction doing for you?

Not the day-to-day of using or abusing alcohol – but the bigger benefit?

What is, some part of you, getting out of it?


For me, alcohol was a way to avoid expectations – whether my own or my perceived expectations of others.

I had to do a lot (like, a LOT) of internal work on my own beliefs and perceptions about what others expect of me (are those expectations really there, in the outside world? Where?) and challenge myself to see that the triggers I thought were there – really weren’t.


Once I realised this, I had to keep a watchful eye on my own conclusions, in all sorts of daily situations, and make sure I wasn’t jumping to any conclusions that weren’t helpful for my recovery.

This takes a lot of energy and work, but nowadays I rarely get triggered in this way – and when I do, I’m much calmer, as I know what to do, and that it’s going to be ok.


Whilst I deal with the day-to-day events relatively calmly these days, I’m reminded of my sponsor’s mantra –

*Addiction is an inside job*

Speak soon,

– Lisa

Alcohol owned my life…

WomanLookingAway….for a while.

I’m older and wiser now, but when I was 25, and going through an early divorce, it was my only friend.

It’s safe enough for me to call it that now, but I truly believed it back then.

When the walls of life are crumbling around you, and you’ve learned alcohol is a way to cope from your parents growing up, well, it’s not difficult to end up down that road I think you can see.

I had believed that things were fine. Our relationship could always have been a little better of course. Alcohol at that point was a minor coping tool.

I relaxed with wine at night after work, believing I had earned it. And striding the line well between professional career woman and domestic godess at home.

It’s tough to keep that illusion going for a long time. I ended up contacting the Abbeycare alcohol rehab clinic.

I guess I had bought into the idea that other’s expectations were more important than mine.

That’s what I’d picked up from my mother.

Dependency is easy, especially in relationships.

Nowadays, I know the folly – believing that anyone can complete you means you’re not taking responsibility for yourself.

For me the gaps were filled in by alcohol.

For me the path on recovery has been one of finding independence, from alcohol and from others.

Then I can give back, and help others.

Welcome to the reboot of my life…

WomanWalkingI realise it’s pretty cliche to post a “hello” entry….but we have to start somewhere, so…

Honestly I never thought I’d find myself making a blog. I really didn’t consider making a site to document my own and others’ addiction experiences until this past few weeks when the focus for me, from my meetings, from my partner, and my sponsor, have all been oddly aligned – about giving back.

So I’ll be recording here, my recovery scrapbook, or diary, so we can compare notes.

One of my resolutions is to increase my gratitude in recovery, increase the support around me to help me take more responsibility when I do (still) get triggered, and foster friendships, and hope.

I hope it helps you too.

– Lisa